i am stuck

notes on shame

Image by Alex Lvrs

I have not been writing. The reasons for this vary, but distill to this: I am stuck in things that I am ashamed to still be stuck in. I don’t want to share about these things. Sharing is a muse for my writing. So I do not write.

I am stuck in the same things I’ve been thinking about and moaning about (and therapizing) for years. I am annoyed. I’m bored. I wish I had new problems.

Do you know what it's like to be sick and tired of being sick and tired of the same things? I am ashamed of that stuckness. 

So, what do we do with shame? We bring it to the light. What was broken in a relationship can be healed in a relationship.  

Places I am Stuck:

1. Overeating.

2. Criticizing my body. 

3. I live in a city but long to live somewhere else. I long to live where I can hear no human sounds, save the vibrant community I live with. 

4. Compulsive screen use, especially late at night. 

5. Getting a dog(s) / cat(s).  

6. Having kid(s). 

7. I feel alone too much. I lack relationships with whom I feel safe spending time in the ways I want to spend time (e.g., being together but in silence, deep empathetic listening without solving, erranding). 

8. I lack a satisfying romantic partnership.

9. I seek vitality and deeper fulfillment in how I spend my time. Healing work? Teaching work? Creating work? New company building work?  

We can choose to use the negative positively. I will attempt this rather than just wishing things were different. 

Sharing about these areas may be one way to give them meaning, and in giving them meaning, I may be able to use them up. I have this inner voice that says, “Sure, sharing about challenges may not heal you, but healing others may heal you”.

—
puget sound - november 2024